Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

The New York Times bestseller from the Grammy-nominated indie rockstar Japanese Breakfast, an unflinching, deeply moving memoir about growing up mixed-race, Korean food, losing her Korean mother, and forging her own identity in the wake of her loss.

In this exquisite story of family, food, grief, and endurance, Michelle Zauner proves herself far more than a dazzling singer, songwriter, and guitarist. With humour and heart, she tells of growing up the only Asian-American kid at her school in Eugene, Oregon; of struggling with her mother’s particular, high expectations of her; of a painful adolescence; of treasured months spent in her grandmother’s tiny apartment in Seoul, where she and her mother would bond, late at night, over heaping plates of food. As she grew up, moving to the east coast for college, finding work in the restaurant industry, performing gigs with her fledgling band – and meeting the man who would become her husband – her Koreanness began to feel ever more distant, even as she found the life she wanted to live.

It was her mother’s diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer, when Michelle was twenty-five, that forced a reckoning with her identity and brought her to reclaim the gifts of taste, language, and history her mother had given her.

Vivacious, lyrical and honest, Michelle Zauner’s voice is as radiantly alive on the page as it is onstage. Rich with intimate anecdotes that will resonate widely, Crying in H Mart is a book to cherish, share, and reread.

For the Reading Challenge(s):
2025 52 Book Club Reading Challenge (Prompt #TBD)

The Reason

This book was highly recommended by one of my friends who’s also a fan of the author’s music.

The Quotes

“It felt like the world had divided into two different types of people, those who had felt pain and those who had yet to.”

“There was no one in the world that was ever as critical or could make me feel as hideous as my mother, but there was no one, not even Peter, who ever made me feel as beautiful.”

“Some of the earliest memories I can recall are of my mother instructing me to always “save ten percent of yourself.” What she meant was that, no matter how much you thought you loved someone, or thought they loved you, you never gave all of yourself. Save 10 percent, always, so there was something to fall back on. “Even from Daddy, I save,” she would add.”

“Now that she was gone, I began to study her like a stranger, rooting around her belongings in an attempt to rediscover her, trying to bring her back to life in any way that I could. In my grief I was desperate to construe the slightest thing as a sign.”

The Narrator(s)

The author herself. It was great!

My Thoughts

This book was easy to read in terms of writing, but very hard to read emotionally for me. I have a lot of negative feelings and memories coming up while reading this book, and I’m struggling between having both compassionate feelings and mean feelings towards Michelle.

I relate so much to a lot of her feelings and experiences with her parents but I feel like I have a completely opposite realization about those experiences than she does; she seems to make excuses for them, and blames herself for not being a better daughter, thinking herself the problem, and for me, I know now that my parents are the problem. I do have compassion for my parents and realize they might have been doing what they believed was best because of the whole cycle of normalized abusive Asian parenting, but that doesn’t make it right regardless.

My mean feelings towards Michelle is because her thought processes with excusing her parents and blaming herself, reminds me of me when I was younger and doing the same thing, and I’m so angry at myself for not wising up sooner because it messed me up so much, and yet I feel compassion too because it was hard to go through that too. Obviously, I need therapy!

All the family trauma aside, I did really enjoy reading the book. I love the talk about food and culture, and learning to make comfort cultural food. I’ve also recently been looking into making kimchi myself and I’m excited to try it out. I love that maangchi was featured, I’ve definitely watched her videos before but I’m going to pay more attention now. I love that Peter was so loving and supportive towards Michelle and I thought their “proposal” was both hilarious and romantic, even while the circumstances were sad. I haven’t actually listened to a lot of her music except for Be Sweet, but I’m curious and I’ll check out more of her music.

My Rating

⭐⭐⭐/5 stars.

Have you read this book? Would you read this book? Did you like the book or do you think you would like it?