I’ll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara

A masterful true crime account of the Golden State Killer—the elusive serial rapist turned murderer who terrorized California for over a decade—from Michelle McNamara, the gifted journalist who died tragically while investigating the case.

“You’ll be silent forever, and I’ll be gone in the dark.”

For more than ten years, a mysterious and violent predator committed fifty sexual assaults in Northern California before moving south, where he perpetrated ten sadistic murders. Then he disappeared, eluding capture by multiple police forces and some of the best detectives in the area.

Three decades later, Michelle McNamara, a true crime journalist who created the popular website TrueCrimeDiary.com, was determined to find the violent psychopath she called “the Golden State Killer.” Michelle pored over police reports, interviewed victims, and embedded herself in the online communities that were as obsessed with the case as she was.

At the time of the crimes, the Golden State Killer was between the ages of eighteen and thirty, Caucasian, and athletic—capable of vaulting tall fences. He always wore a mask. After choosing a victim—he favored suburban couples—he often entered their home when no one was there, studying family pictures, mastering the layout. He attacked while they slept, using a flashlight to awaken and blind them. Though they could not recognize him, his victims recalled his voice: a guttural whisper through clenched teeth, abrupt and threatening.

I’ll Be Gone in the Dark—the masterpiece McNamara was writing at the time of her sudden death—offers an atmospheric snapshot of a moment in American history and a chilling account of a criminal mastermind and the wreckage he left behind. It is also a portrait of a woman’s obsession and her unflagging pursuit of the truth. Framed by an introduction by Gillian Flynn and an afterword by her husband, Patton Oswalt, the book was completed by Michelle’s lead researcher and a close colleague. Utterly original and compelling, it is destined to become a true crime classic—and may at last unmask the Golden State Killer.

For the Reading Challenge(s):
2024 52 Book Club Reading Challenge (Prompt #21: Written by a ghostwriter)
2024 Nonfiction Reader Challenge
2024 Audiobook Challenge
2024 Library Love Challenge

The Reason

This has been on my TBR for years but I kept putting it off because my mental health hadn’t been the best for the last few years and the subject matter of this book certainly wouldn’t help. I’ve been feeling much better recently and I thought I should finally get this read.

The Quotes

“I love reading true crime, but I’ve always been aware of the fact that, as a reader, I am actively choosing to be a consumer of someone else’s tragedy. So like any responsible consumer, I try to be careful in the choices I make. I read only the best: writers who are dogged, insightful, and humane.”

“He loses his power when we know his face.”

“What is the lasting damage when you believe the warm spot you were just sleeping in will be your grave?”

“I don’t care if I’m the one who captures him. I just want bracelets on his wrists and a cell door slamming behind him.”

The Narrator(s)

Gabra Zackman, with an introduction by Gillian Flynn, and an afterword by Patton Oswalt. It was very well-done.

My Thoughts

There was so much to process here. I loved how it was written and organized, and I love the biographical nature of the author writing down her thoughts about the case and including personal information and why it’s important to her. I care about the case because she cares about the case, and I think it’s important to have just as much highlight on the people who put the work into solving the case, as it is on the victims and perpetrators. There are so many crimes that go unsolved because sometimes people just don’t care enough, and perhaps it’s not always healthy for any one person to care too much, but I still respect that they do care.

I have seen some discussions online about how the author didn’t contribute to solving the case and didn’t even have the killer in her sights, and while the latter may be true, I don’t agree with the former. The fact that she kept the case active and in the spotlight (with her true crime blog), kept talking to detectives, witnesses, and victims, kept doing research and cross-checking data, kept bouncing ideas off of other people who were also still working on the case, is a huge contribution to making sure someone was taking action to find the killer, and to disregard that is ignorant and disrespectful.

My Feels

It was horrifying to read about all the terrible things the killer did, and to so many victims. It was heartbreaking to read about the victims, the fear, the powerlessness, the devastation of so many families and those left behind. It was infuriating to think of all the close calls where they could’ve caught the killer but didn’t. And it’s so sad to realize that the author didn’t live to see the killer caught and her life’s work achieved. But I am glad that I finally read this book.

My Rating

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐/5 stars.

Have you read this book? Would you read this book? Did you like the book or do you think you would like it?